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Stake Me

My Gift [02 Aug 2005|10:26pm]

[ mood | determined ]

I stayed by Tara's room for as long as I could, but I kept hearing noises downstairs. It took a good oh, like, five minutes of looking at her door, then trying to hear what was going on exactly before I finally stood up and walked downstairs. Everyone looked... sad. Or busy.

And I swore I saw Faith somewhere...

"Hey, what happened?" I asked one of the new girls all running around. She had a few weapons in her hands, which, ok kinda weird, but then she told me it was cuz there'd been a vision from Cordelia.

Yay. Another battle. When were we gonna stop having those?

I went with her and started getting a few weapons too - hey, I'd trained a little with Gunn! I was in the other battle before! - but she told me it was gonna be different. The ubervamps this time.

I think that was when I decided.

Glory had come to me - ok, not Glory, but The First pretending to be her - and told me I was still hers. Still 'The Key'. That if I jumped, my blood would... but then again, Spike had said the same thing, kinda. I'd run into him and Drusilla and... he bit me, stole my blood, said it was important.

I guess, after all this time, I'm still important.

Andrew asked me once - what does a 'key' do? I'd told him it was like being any other key - you just kinda unlock something, only with me I unlocked other places. Things opened up, and bad stuff usually came out - or at least it had that time on the tower.

Why was I getting a bad feeling that something else had opened up because of me again? Maybe it was that Summers-gut-instinct Buffy always talked about, cuz hello! So a Summers right here. I'd even cut myself that one time and...


Buffy wouldn't tell me what was going on, but from everyone getting ready and all, it was obvious. Uh, that and the new girl had already talked to me, so duh. But ubervamps? We were so gonna die this time if Cordelia's vision was right. So this time, it had to be me. It had to be.

I had a knife, and no one said anything really since, well, it was a weapon, right?

"Shallow cuts... shallow cuts... Let the blood flow..."

I opened a portal once before. But what if this time, since I was still The Key, I could do what I wanted with it? Make it so stuff went into the portal, not out of it?

"Buffy, you have to let me go. Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing, it'll never stop."

I placed the knife against my skin and started slowly, like I had back when I'd asked Buffy if I was real. Wincing at the pain, I kept going, watching a little as green filled everything around us...

"It has to have the blood."

I cried, wishing Tara was here, wishing Buffy had a better plan, wishing, wishing, wishing... it hurt so bad, why did I think it would be ok? I saw Buffy running to me and I coughed up more blood, but it had started and it was too late. I tried to kinda smile at her as I whispered, "The hardest thing in this world... is to live in it."

They wouldn't take me. I took me. And maybe I'd helped everyone too...

I never knew, though, since Buffy's face was the last thing I ever saw, surrounded by green light...

Stake Me

Evil's Next Move [02 Aug 2005|10:20pm]

Chess. As cliché as it might sound, the game of chess truly is the most challenging, mentally stimulating pastime that the humans ever invented. Naturally, The Master was skeptical about the board and pieces at first, preferring to face his opponents on fields of battle both small and large, rather than sitting across each other over a chessboard, thinking at each other. As he studied the game, though, his opinion began to change. It moved from disdain for a battle that didn't involved bashing one's adversary as hard and as often as possible, to a grudging respect for the tactical minds that played it.

The Master watched as an Indian board game began to gain and notice, and as it slowly drifted its way across the Asian continent to China, where it began to take root and start to change into a form more familiar to the modern observer. The squares took on color, the names of the pieces changed, and the rules were codified. He himself began playing it, studying it. He discovered the pleasure of out-thinking an opponent, of using misdirection and cunning and learned of the great advantages of preparing for war during times of peace.

From then on, The Master's plans became intricate and terrible in their brilliance, and dozens, if not hundreds, of times, their effectiveness was demonstrated in the blood of scores of innocents. He had reveled in his dark genius, and somewhere-- or nowhere-- The First Evil watched and was proud.

Sacrificing the PawnsCollapse )

"Destroy them," The Master ordered simply, then stood aside to watch.

13 Stakes | Stake Me

[20 Jul 2005|02:32am]

Continued from HERE

Slippin' my hand outta her hair, I let it slide down and wrap tightly around her throat. I licked my lips, wishin' I could just snap her pretty little neck. But I couldn't.

No, somebody changed the game up on me. Made all these fuckin' ghosts haunt me and fuck with me. Bitchin' and whinin' about what I did to them. Hello? Evil here. Unless somebody forgot that little fact.

Blondie here knew Buffy and she was gonna be my ticket into that Hotel. Figured if I had her, then nobody would try and stake my ass.

I leaned my face close to hers, whisperin' by her ear.

"Sorry 'bout this baby, but you got somethin' I need and as long as I got you they can't do shit to me. So, just play it cool and nobody gets hurt. Got it?"

She nodded.

"Good girl. Now let's fuckin' get outta here before the sun comes up. If that happens, I got big problems."

Funny how those voices shut up when I'm hell bent on gettin' to the hotel. I got a feelin' they ain't gone for long though. So, I gotta move quick. Not just because of the sun, but if they ain't fuckin' with me then I ain't seemin' like I've totally lost my mind.

I moved through the streets, headin' towards what I hoped was answers. Wes and his fuckin' book smarts better fuckin' know what the fuck is goin' on here. Red, Giles, Fred. Somebody had to know.


No, that can't be it. Can it? Red's big with the mojo, maybe she did somethin' to me.

If that's what it is, somebody's gonna fuckin' pay.

I kept draggin' Blondie with me as I got closer. My eyes caught sight of that dumpster. The one I'd thrown that fuckin' geek in.

Thanks for giving me such a hero's ending Faith. You could've at least made it something cool. Like when Luke fought Vader and ....

I shook the voice outta my head.

"Not now kid. I got a mission here." I whispered to myself, steppin' into the garden area of the hotel.

"Showtime Blondie. Here's where we get the answer to the million dollar question."

Shovin' the doors open, I threw Blondie in, watchin' her tumble down the few stairs that led down to the lobby before I stepped inside.

"Guess who's comin' to dinner?" I swaggered in, standin' in the center of the lobby lookin' around. "I'm fuckin' starvin' too." I nodded. "So, who's on the menu?"

I smirked, closin' my eyes for a sec as I heard the whispers start again.

"Buffy..." I called out all sing song-y, startin' to feel 'em crawlin' inside my brain. "Come out, come out wherever you are."

Nobody's gonna save you Faith. Just like nobody saved us.

"B!" I screamed out, more desperate this time as my hands grasped the sides of my head. "Fuckin' help me!"

((Open to Buffy, Willow, Wesley and anyone else in the lobby))

1 Stake | Stake Me

Alone again....naturally.... [12 Jul 2005|04:46pm]

"I don't fuckin' remember invitin' any of you assholes to this little party. So, whatever. I'm outta here. You wanna have your big happy family, fine. I got better things to do."

I arched a shapely eyebrow as Faith made her dramatic exit. Not exactly oozing with finesse, especially with that knee to Spike's nether regions. I didn't exactly appreciate the shove to the wall either, but Faith was a loose cannon that you didn't want to openly provoke, unless you had an ace in the hole. Which I didn't yet, but I was working on it.

Spike response was predictable and soon it was just me and the big guy left. I turned to him and smirked.

"Well. So much for the big update on what Spike unleashed. Oh well, I'm sure I can find out the details some other way. At least one of us still has connections at our disposal. So are you still subject to that truth spell? Or did you manage to spill your deepest darkest secrets to someone before we had our nice little get together?"

I wasn't sure how we should be acting together, after all the last time we'd been alone, we'd been making out, trying to fool the First that our hormones were getting the better of us. Then again, Faith's intervention had supposedly put the kibosh on that, so I guess we didn't have to maintain that charade.

I couldn't resist coming a little closer though, and playing it up. Just to see how Angelus reacted.

"So now that Faith the Wonder Vamp is out of the way, I presume you have plans...hopefully you are going to tell me what those are..." I let my hand snake up and start to caress the exposed part of his neck, right where his shirt was unbuttoned.

{Any news on how to keep the First off of our backs, or have you been wasting all day on trying to keep Faith on hers?}

[open to Angelus]

2 Stakes | Stake Me

[10 Jul 2005|01:37am]

I've never been alone in a room with a dead person for this long. It's a little scary because all I keep thinking about is how we were just talking a little while ago. She was okay one minute and dead the next. I wish I could have helped her. I can admit to being a little selfish; Andi was the only person here besides Lorne who I liked talking to. I thought she was sweet, and funny; she was so set on finishing her room. It would have been fixed up whether I agreed to help her or not. I made things go faster, but really it was all her. I guess that's one of the only memories that I'm going to have of Andi. A silly girl who was determined to finish the things she started. Only, she didn't. She wanted to go somewhere and do something, but she couldn't. Something just...stopped her.

I shouldn't be the person to sit in here with her, but I wasn't going to leave her alone. Sure as hell wasn't going to let Lisette stay with Andi either. I want to ask someone if there's any family members who we should be calling. There has to be someone out there who is going to miss her. I mean, I know I will. I think Kate will too. There are probably a few other people around here who truly liked her, but does this count? Are we supposed to be one big happy family or something?

I haven't seen anyone happy since I moved in here.

Walking over to the bed again, I sat on the floor beside the edge and faced the doorway. Every time I looked at her, I let my mind trick itself into believing she was sleeping. It only lasted for a second or two, but I didn't want to keep seeing her like that and think anything but the truth. Andi is dead; illogical hope is worthless in this situation. I'm afraid to think of the bad things. I realized a few minutes ago that she isn't warm anymore, and I hated myself for it. I don't want to be like the rest of them, they think of her as the body of a slayer. Andi's still a person to me. But I don't want to think of her as Sleeping Beauty either. I tried to wake her up, I failed. Then I screamed at someone else for trying to do what I did in a different way.

I volunteered to stay with her. Kate was supposed to make tea. We have to figure out what to do with Andi now. Whether there's someone to call, or some preference she could have had about how all of this is handled...there are only a few things left for the two of us to do for her, I want to make sure that we do them well. Protect her from the people who she didn't like, and make sure the ones that she did know what happened. Then, I guess it's supposed to be done. That'll be it.

What happens after that? Am I supposed to go back to everything like it's all life as usual? It's not. Everyone here talks about death like they can get past it so easily, I know I can't do the same.

Who says this is the easy part?Collapse )

1 Stake | Stake Me

[09 Jul 2005|11:15pm]

I knew I shouldn't have stayed for that meeting. Kennedy and Gunn knew about my vision. I guess I'm just so helpful with my not knowing what I'm talking about that they needed the seer to tell them about what's going to happen. I didn't make anything better by being there. Buffy knew more about the vampires in my vision than I did, her part of the team knows what they're up against.

My friends don't know what to expect, they're about to battle with ancient vampires they've never seen before. No matter what Buffy tells them to help prepare, half of us are going to be clueless when the weapons are out and the barrier is down.

According to Buffy, we're doing the best we can. Accusing Connor of being 'lost' and asking me what I've done is her best now? No. I hate walking away from the group feeling like I've lost something. I thought Wesley and I were making progress. When I told him that I understand why he made the choices he did about Connor, it meant something to me. I felt a weight being lifted; one I didn't even know was there until it was gone.

I felt better. It didn't last. Never does. For the short time when I felt like things were right with us, I was proud of us for doing what we could to protect our family. Now I think the word family is something we're always going to struggle with. Things are different. I accept that as much as I'm ever going to. What I don't accept, and what hurts so much about the way that Wesley does his job, is the way he talks about Connor.

Connor is gone, for now. Not lost. Not on vacation--although I wish he was. He's dealing with what he is in his own way. I was wrong to think that I could be everything he needs to get through this, but I wasn't wrong about him. He's good. Like his father. If the only good thing he inherited from Angel is his sense of right and wrong, it more than makes up for the brooding.

Something has to change around here, I don't care how much Buffy whines about doing the best she can. Andi and Anya are dead, Connor left the hotel, some other kid is missing. We're not good enough anymore.

That's why I'm doing this. This thing where I make peace with the worst roommate I've ever had. It was a long time ago. I can be civil to Gwen if I want to.

I'm working on the 'want to' part right now.

With a sigh, I made my way down the hall and stopped at Gwen's door. After taking a minute to prepare myself for ElectroTramp, I knocked.

[[Open to Gwen]]

4 Stakes | Stake Me

Doin' My Part [09 Jul 2005|12:19am]

[ mood | pessimistic ]

"Gunn, gather the weapons, make sure we have what we might need to face Turok-Han."

And just like that, I was part of the team again. No questions asked, every part havin' its place and its job to do, just like we needed to be if we were gonna make it through this next big fight. The bad guys we were about to face sounded like some real bad mofo's, but after having had my ass handed to me by the likes of the Beast, I figured there wasn't an opponent who could gimme a worse whuppin' than that.

Here's hopin', right?

Well, if I was gonna do inventory on the party favors, then the place to start was definitely the training room. Clickin' on the lights, I walked across the floor, wishin' for a second that me and Fred didn't always end up on opposite ends of the 'get ready for the fight' preparations. But I knew that she had lots more to contribute to things by rockin' the research books, and that I'd be a total loss at it.

I swung open the first weapons cabinet and started countin'. There were five, six, seven swords in there, most of 'em with broad blades and two-hand hilts-- a little heavy, but more likely to cut cleaner and easier through a tough neck. I spotted three fight-ready axes-- my own personal chop machine was sittin' in my room... two crossbows-- not sure how much good those were gonna do, considerin' the description we'd gotten... and a few blunt weapons that were off the list.

Pickin' up one of the swords, I checked the edge. Hmmm. Needed some sharpenin', so the rest probably did, too. Didn't know how many stones we had lyin' around, so maybe the next time somebody made a supply run--

I stopped the thought. Wasn't nobody makin' a supply run anytime soon. They didn't mention it at the meeting, but it was a safe bet Wes'd be lockin' the place down until the fight went down. I really needed to find Fred just as soon as I was done with this.

As I put the sword away, I heard the door behind me open. Lookin' over my shoulder, I saw Kennedy walkin' in. Wasn't sure what she was after in an empty trainin' room, but I wasn't so dumb as to not have heard a little of the hotel gossip about what she was goin' through right now. Maybe she was just tryin' to find a quiet place.

"Yo," I said, headin' to another cabinet.

((Open to Kennedy))

5 Stakes | Stake Me

I've been searching, wandering, thinking, lost and looking all my life... [08 Jul 2005|12:29am]
[ mood | blah ]

I laid under the swings for at least an hour. Numb. I tried to count the stars, or figure out their patterns, put the constellations together they were meant to be. But everything looked upside down to me. Not to mention... dead.

Because as I was laying there, I suddenly remembered something I had heard or read, or something. About stars. How some of the stars we see in the sky right now died years ago, they're dead, it's just takes so long for their light to reach us, it takes just as long for it to stop reaching us. So in the however many lightyears it takes for their light to reach us, they could have died, and not even be there anymore.

It struck me. Hard. Not being able to know which where the stars, and which were just the ghosts of stars.

Maybe one day we'd look up, and the sky would be completely black, because everything we're looking at right now is dead, all the stars are already dead, and then just one day the lightyears would finally run out, and we'd realize it.

And if the sun is just a big star, and not a planet, then maybe it's dead too, it's just giving off thousand's of years old light and heat off, and one day, we'll wake up, and it will be dead. Then the moon would be dead by the principle of cause and effect.

We could wake up one morning to a dead sky. Just like dead mothers, dead sisters, and dead girls named Andi who were too young to die. We were all too young to die. Wasn't it the sky's turn?

Sighing, I reached up and grabbed the seat of the swing, setting it in motion yet again and watching it go back and forth, right over my face, concentrating on it, rather than the shadows that the possibly-dead moon cast.

Suddenly, some girl came screaming, like the time my neighbors cat had rabies and bit an Avon saleslady. I think it could be chalked up something like "banshee". I sat up immediately, then scrambled to my feet, looking around for anyone else in case this got... insane.

Banshee-girl saw me, and came flying toward me, one head grabbing for me, the other gripping a bleeding wound in her neck. She gripped my shoulder, and shook me, bleeding and screaming something about "vampires", and a dead boyfriend, or something.

I knew it.


Pulling myself from her grip, and sort of twisting out of her grasp, I assured her I'd go "check it out". I would see if her boyfriend was really dead, and I would find help. Oh, and right after that, I'll have a kryptonite martini downtown at the Supheroes bar after relaying my tale of fearlessness. God. And I thought the people back at the hotel were freaks.

Nonetheless, I walked toward the dark little alley space she'd came bat out of Hell style from, and began walking, slowly, down it. I tried a few doors, trying to get to a phone so I could call the nearest hospital to come pick up my damsel who was beyond in distress, but everything was all locked up for the night. Fabulous.

It wasn't too long after that, I stumbled over the boyfriend's body. I tripped, my hands reaching out to break my fall as they hit the pavement, embedding gravel and other street rocks in my palms as I lay strewn across his limp body, his head contorted in an impossible way.

He was dead. We could be sure about that. And I was getting the Hell out of here. Just as soon as I got off of the corpse. Which I did immediately.

Running down the alley, turning and pulling on doorknobs and banging on doors, and windows, and kicking at walls as everything was locked, and the street was still just as empty. I needed to call the cops. I needed help. There was a bleeding girl in the park, a dead guy just a few buildings back, and I was a split hair from ending up in the psych. ward along with the damsel who was raving about vampires.

Finally! A dark, creepy, abandoned building with an opening that says, 'Walk right in and die tonight, Izzie!' I looked up at the possibly-dead sky, and rolled my eyes at it, but headed in the door, slowly, cautiously.

"Hello?" I called. 'Mr. Psychopath? Anyone? Buehler?'

I walked further in.

"If anyone's here, there's a dead guy out there, and um, a hurt girl in the park." I called. "She's bleeding," I added. "So if I could just use your pho-" I stopped, squinting in the bare light this place afforded, at something, no, someone in the corner.

Carefully walking toward them, thinking they may be another victim, I tilted my head as I got close, but not too close.

"Are- Are you alright?" I asked, noticing it was a girl, as I studied her dark hair, her pale skin. "You don't seem to be moving..." I noted. "And, and I looked at your chest, not that I was checking you out or anything, but- but it's not rising, or falling. Which means you're not breathing. And, um, I already did CPR tonight, okay, I broke some poor, like, sixteen year old girl's ribs, and the sound was sickening, and you're all... doll-like." I said, cursing God for the third dead body of the night, and the fifth one of my life.

"I don't want to break you..." I whispered.

I looked up at the ceiling.

The sky was already dead in here.

((Open to Faith))

4 Stakes | Stake Me

Looking for a friend [07 Jul 2005|04:37pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

I watched the whole thing and felt like I was bothering them.

Carly had been so mean, and Isabella -- well, I didn't know her, but at least she'd tried to help. Safi... I was sorta scared to talk to. It seemed like anyone I talked to ended up dead or hating me, and I didn't want either to happen with her. She was, like, the only good thing right now.

I couldn't even go talk to Lorne since Carly was all better friends with him than me. So I had to watch Kate move Andi's body and... and then I didn't wanna watch anymore. I guess there was gonna be a little something for her, but it sorta made me mad at the same time.

No one had bothered to bury anyone else like that.

Marissa? Ema Kate? All the girls who'd died in that first bad battle? Everyone who'd died in Sunnydale? Where was all the nice sayings over their graves? Actually... did they even have graves for some of them? I wasn't sure anymore.

And no one could tell me it was because Andi was a Slayer. Lizzie was a Slayer, too, and she and her brother had gotten squat when they'd been murdered - yeah, ok, murdered, whereas Andi just decided to go poof and fall to the ground, giving up.

Fine, so maybe I was pissed and hurt at everyone, but I'm 16! And no one is telling me anything anymore or talking to me anymore. People I love are dying, and this place Buffy moved us to doesn't feel so safe anymore.

When did it feel safe?

I wiped at my tears and took my pink jacket off that Andi had given to me, throwing it in a trash can. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who could tell me things would be ok, that I was freaking out for nothing. But everyone - well, ok, all the "adults" - were all running around.

Guess it had been just another meeting that us Potentials weren't invited to. Maybe we should all go and play in the sandbox together or something.

I kicked off my green flip-flops and took the last of my bubble-gum I had with me and threw them away too. Safi'd probably be upset I did that but... well, it was probably better I didn't talk to her anymore. She might be the new Slayer, and then she'd die just like my last two friends.

Maybe Connor was her Champion the way Shang-Da had been Lizzie's... Andi never had one. Maybe that was why she'd given up and just died on us all.

UGH. I had to stop thinking! I had to find someone, like, totally sane around here. So I walked, barefoot, over to where I saw a certain somebody raiding the fridge. I tried to smile, but it didn't work... then again, maybe she could cheer me up.

"Hey Harmony. Is the blood still fresh?"

((Open to Harmony))

Stake Me

Bitches all 'round me - yeah, I'm talkin' 'bout Angelus too! [07 Jul 2005|02:25pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

Right now, this was gettin' dull.

'Course, me bein' me, I could've stayed here forever just pokin' my finger at Angelus' forehead or somesuch, but that was when Faith decided she had t'go and fuckin' knee me in the balls. Bitch. Good thing I'd already shagged Dru else I'd be more pissed-off than I was at the moment, what with Angelus goadin' me and Miss L decidin' that I needed t'have a nickname that reminded everyone of the soddin' Energizer Bunny.

Well, right, that could've been just me thinkin' that, but still...

Gave 'em all the two-finger salute - yelled over my shoulder at Angelus, "Mincer!" - and stormed on outta there, tryin' t'figure out my next move. I'd done what the voice in my head had said t'do, me and Dru had celebrated and all, so now what?

Well, besides me walkin' like I'd just had somethin' unpleasant shoved up between my legs - which, when you thought 'bout it, I had.

Stumblin' into the room I shared with my girl, I fell onto the bed, wonderin' if she could use her powers again, but this time on Angelus. Then, I remembered she'd get all whipped 'bout her Daddy and such and figured it might not be such a good idea.


Drapin' an arm over my eyes, I sighed. See, I wasn't the planner here! I wasn't a soddin' leader! I didn't think things up, I just... had fun. Me and my girl. Nothin' wrong with that, after all.

Let Angelus try t'shag that bird when we didn't even know where her twat had been at. Or, hell, even Miss L for that matter. I wasn't 'bout t'be goin' on tellin' 'em both secrets I wasn't even sure I was supposed t'be keepin' or not.

The Hellmouth opened. I told 'em all enough.

"Bitch kneed me, Dru," I sniffed, needin' a little comfort from her and hopin' that she was in the mood for it. 'Course knowin' the pair of us?

Our happiness wouldn't last long. Never did.

7 Stakes | Stake Me

Hail to the king, baby! [06 Jul 2005|09:10pm]

After the meeting everyone scattered to perform their various tasks. Me? I just bummed a cigarette off one of the older girls from the shelter and headed out into the garden. I smoked and thought things through, and by the time I was done and had stamped out the butt, I decided that I needed to take stock, and headed up to my room.

It took me a little while to find them, but I finally pulled the credit card and phone number Helene had given me before shipping me back to Sunnydale. The card would definitely come in handy since there were only a few articles of clothes in my room that I could actually work with. The rest could go to Good Will. Yeah, some serious shopping needed to take place soon.

The phone number was something that I needed to think on some more. It was not to be used lightly.

What’s there to think about? This would be a damn good time to call in the cavalry! The shit’s flying through the air and is on a collision course with the fan!

“So what’s new?”

Don’t play tough guy with me, Your Highnessness. You know this shit is beyond anything you faced back in the ‘Dale. Not even the Slayer and the witch are gonna be enough this time.

“You know, you’re a fucking pain in the ass. Fine, I’ll make the call.”

Hanging up the phone almost an hour later, I knew that I needed to talk to Buffy now. Glancing in the mirror and straightening out my jacket to make sure everything was in place, I headed downstairs. I tracked her down and found her, along with Willow and Wesley, in the workroom.

"I hope it worked."

“Hope what worked?” I asked as I walked in.

((Open to Buffy, Willow and Wesley))

6 Stakes | Stake Me

Limping home [05 Jul 2005|10:14am]

[ mood | groggy ]

It's not a wise idea to wake up in the industrial blocks of downtown L.A. wearing nothing but a pair of lycra bike shorts and looking like you've just gone twelve rounds with a very hungry Mike Tyson. But, since I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, that's exactly where and how I ended up after the fight.

The fight.

It was a red-tinted whirl of images and half-remembered sensations, but the one thing that came through loud and clear was the relief. It was finally done, and I could put that ghost to rest.

Maybe even figure out what the fuck I was gonna do with the rest of my life.

But more importantly, I had to figure out what I was gonna do with my almost-naked ass. Slowly and achingly, I pushed myself up onto my feet and lurched toward the nearest dumpster. Finding nothing there, I staggered on to the next one, where I managed to dig up some thrown-away clothes until I looked more like a vagrant instead of a mental patient.

I started what I knew was going to be a long, painful walk back to the hotel. On the way, though, a few blocks shy of the Hyperion, I stopped to lean against the brick wall of a building. I stood there for almost five minutes before recognizing The Den, my club. Patting myself mentally for having a keypad lock on the side door, I tapped in the code and stepped inside.

Everything left the way it was, I wondered for a while what I was going to do with the place. Upstairs was my office suite, including the full bathroom and sofabed I used for particularly long nights. As gingerly and carefully as I could, I washed the blood and grime and vampire dust off of myself, then cracked open a first aid kit and did what I could on that end. Finally, I crawled into the sofabed and passed out again.

When I woke, it was night again, and I'd healed up enough that I didn't look like hammered shit. I slipped into the change of clothes I always kept on hand here, locked the place back up and headed for the hotel. I stepped into the lobby, assaulted by the sudden rush of new scents and sounds. We were apparently playing host to a bunch of new residents. Fun.

Now I had to go find somebody to maybe patch up the rest of what I couldn't get to last night.

((Open to anyone))

Stake Me

[04 Jul 2005|01:53am]

For having three moving, breathing people in it, the workroom had reached new levels of sustained quiet. The breathing part was key of course, and the main morivation for Wes, Buffy and I all being here, but that didn't mean we were willing to direct that energy towards speech. So instead we busied ourselves recovering from the spell, and cleaning up. Each in our own corner, lost in their own thoughts.

I mostly knew what mine were. When Buffy had pulled me aside to tell me about her plan, I was struck with the newest need to shake her until her teeth rattled. We were -- she would always be my best friend. And with that came the regular territory of laughter and hugs and tears and dissapointment. For living such unusal lives, we had covered the classics quite well. But never until that exact moment -mind travels included- had I wondered just where Buffy had found any particular thought. Especially this one. We always knew where the other was standing, even if we didn't agree with it. It was part of the Buffy-Willow package deal, and even if there wasn't a shiny ribbon? We got them with what was on the inside, with what counts.

So yes, not only was I struck with the need to rattle? I was trying to rationalize it too. Just how hadn't I seen this coming? With a lot of looking and very few words Wes and I comminicated the fact that only did I not agree with Buffy's plan, I wouldn't be participating it. And that I thought was that, because while I don't like to dwell, I figured I was key to this scenerio. That was until Wes introduced a frightengly similar, and all at once frighteningly different plan.

He? They? There was a wanting to reensoul Faith. They wanted to take charge of the prophecy, and maybe take charge of the war. Or at least actually gain somthing close to a foothold. And all I could do was think...

I was supposed to restore Faith's soul?

A part of me was about to point out I wasn't sure if she had ever had one. After all, she left the hotel first. Then died after. Had she ever really believed it what we believed in? It was look in Buffy's eyes that kept me silent, even though I knew she felt what I was thinking. It was back to where we were connecting, and looking at Wes I saw he felt the words too. Through Buffy.

It was one of the few feelings churning through me I was willing to welcome.

So we did it. I did what they asked, for the first time reaching out for someone other than Angel. It felt strange, and cold, and I wasn't sure I liked it. But as it all sped through me I was shocked to feel what I should have seen. That just like every spell is different? Every soul is too.

It wasn't supposed to be the same. But what that meant for what we were trying to do? We were back to the room, and the silence, and the thoughts I wasn't so sure about.

Straighting the last chair around the rough, wooden table, I lifted the Orb from the center and placed it back on the shelf, watching its light glint through the shadows.

"I hope it worked."

So if anything, I would never have to hear Buffy talk like that again.

Stake Me

[04 Jul 2005|12:23am]

This room was fillin' up and suddenly I was in the mood to be elsewhere. This shit was really startin' to piss me off. All I was tryin' to do was get off, but instead we was havin' some fucked up family reunion.

Well, not me. Not this fuckin' time. If I can't get one H taken care of, I was gonna take care of the other one. The sun was settin' and I was starved. If the evil Brady Bunch here wanted to play fuckin' games, then I wasn't stickin' around for it.

I reached over and slapped Angelus in the back of the head. Didn't say one fuckin' word. Just gave him a good whack. Fuck him for not speakin' up and gettin' rid of the party crashers.

Standin' up from the bed, I looked around at all of ‘em. I clenched my jaw tight and narrowed my eyes as I shook my head.

"I don't fuckin' remember invitin' any of you assholes to this little party. So, whatever. I'm outta here. You wanna have your big happy family, fine. I got better things to do."

Makin' My Own FunCollapse )

I pushed myself off the ground and ran out of the alley. I had to get away from there. I walked fast down the sidewalk, my head down as I smoked my cigarette and kept my other hand shoved in my pocket. All these fuckin' images fillin' my head. These feelings floatin' around in my body.

Maybe somethin' was in that girl's blood. Some kinda fucked up drug or somethin'. Yeah, that had to be it. Just gotta wait it out Faith. Let the shit wear off.

Duckin' into an abandoned buildin', I crawled into a dark corner and sat there, holdin' my knees tight and chain smokin'. This shit was bound to wear off soon.

Stake Me

You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie... [03 Jul 2005|12:38am]

[ mood | worried ]

I dropped my stuff off in my room, then made a turn for the kitchen. I had kind of realized I'd missed dinner, and I think lunch too, added to Xander's weird behavior,and this truth spell mess, my tummy was definitely in need of something.

But then I saw Tara, and I wanted to see her first! I needed her normalcy. Except that... it wasn't normal. Because she was crying. Though, I don't thinkshe really wantedanyone to know.

I sighed.

A person could drown in all the tears that had been shed since we'd all moved here. Well, maybe not me, since I am pretty tall and tall. But even someone as tall as me could probablydrown in it all.

Her door shut,and I crept slowly up to it, placing one hand carefully on it, listening and waiting to see if I should intrude or not. But she was crying so hard, and there was shuffling, then nothing but the sound of her tears, and I really didn't think she wanted company.

But I didn'twant to leavehereither.

So I turned around, sitting on the ground right outside her door, leaning my back gently against it. It broke my heart, but I... just sat there listening.

I didn't want her to be alone.

Stake Me

Just give me 'till morning to give up this fight... and I will give up this fight. [03 Jul 2005|12:34pm]

[ mood | numb ]

"Turn down the lights, turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices inside my head.
Lay down with me, tell me no lies,
Just hold me close, don't patronize.
Don't patronize me..."

I walked away from Buffy, feeling the strength of her essence, and the way its warmth seemed to cover a person with a certain glow. I supposed, though I never doubted or questioned, that that was why she was a leader. To have such an effect on people, just in essence alone, was an incredible, inherent thing. Few people had that. The ability to sufuse strength in others, just by being.

Yet, part of me was so much emptier still.

So I could walk away from our talk, with a simple understanding of why I was here, who and what had brought me back. I could feel touched, beyond any even best attempt to articulate how touched to the core I was, that when it came to bargaining, one life for the eternal loss of Angel's soul, my life had been chosen. And I could go into this next battle, knowing we were going to win it, if not for the sheer fact that it was what we had always done.

But I still walked away knowing some fights would not be won. That they had already been lost.

And it felt so cold inside the mystery.

I could get through it, I know. But ghosts, they linger for a long time. Probably the reason it's so hard to give them up, even long after everyone else felt it was time.

Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power. But you won't...Collapse )

I shivered,feeling it move all the way up my spine as I closed my eyes tight against the memories trying to cut them off, but only spilling more tears. Like the blood I had bled. Except this time? Willow's shirt was clean.

I stood up, moving to my window andpullingback the blindsas I lookedout into the darkness, the night. I wrapped one arm around myself, the other holding the curtain open. Through bleary eyes, I saw lights, and a city that lay beyond my memories, in its newness. Still, I failed to see the light.

How could we have lived all of that, together, and then go on to seperate lives? How does anyone do it? Live a whole new life, when there's so much in the one you already have.

Was I being selfish in not understanding how these things happen?

Tara: Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard.
Willow: Tara.
Tara: You can never…put them back the way they were.
Willow: Are you ok?
Tara: I’m sorry, it’s just… (deep sigh) You know…it takes time. You can’t just have coffee and expect…
Willow: I know.
Tara: There's so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if...if we're even the same people we were. If we can fit in each other's lives. It's a long and important process and... can we just skip it? Can... can you just be kissing me now?

But she wouldn't be, not this time. Not ever again. All those things that need to happen after a thing falls apart weren't even applicable. Because we hadn't fallen apart.

She had just fallen out of love.

Crossing back over to my bed, I curled up under the sheets once more, resinging myself to a Fate I could not force or make happen. I couldn't just make Willow be in love with me again. And for all the history we had, I knew nothing of the history she had begun with her new love.

And so I would begin my life alone. My new life, the one I'd always believed I'd been intended to lead anyway.

But I would always, for the rest of my life, remember.

Willow: I'm definitely nothing special.
Tara: No, you are!

"Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel, something it won't.
Here in the dark, in these final hours,
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power.
But you won't, no, you won't.
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't."

6 Stakes | Stake Me

A Gathering [02 Jul 2005|09:06pm]

[ mood | indescribable ]

Confused. Hopeful. Determined. Desperate. Every one of those emotions, and more than a handful of others, all of them shared in equal measure. This was the state in which Buffy, Willow and I left the kitchen after making our plans. It was, as we'd all agreed, the longest of gambles, but it was one worth taking. Buffy and I were in the midst of agreeing that a meeting in the hotel was long overdue when every one of the individuals we would be seeking out began to appear in the lobby. Sensing that we'd never have a better opportunity, we began to ask everyone-- literally-- to take a seat and wait for as many other residents to make their appearance as we could. It was only a few minutes before there was enough of us to begin.

6 Stakes | Stake Me

A Big Decision [02 Jul 2005|04:43pm]

[ mood | determined ]

I gave Tara one last hug before walking over to where Wes and Fred were at. Fred didn't seem to mind me being there - in fact she had some goofy grin - and yeah, I knew I'd have to talk with her later. But as she got up and left me alone with my boyfriend, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it once to let him know I was ok. Actually, better than ok. Granted, he had pieced together his little family finally and I was still working on mine, but I felt like I'd made some strides with Tara after our talk.

"Hey," I started, smiling at him. "Don't know if you saw, but apparently Lisette figured out how to stop the truth spell. Something about telling a deep secret to someone - which, of course, I didn't see posted on the board until after I'd talked to Tara." Of course, me being me? I didn't elaborate any further than that.

"Looks like things with you and Fred are continuing nicely," I commented as I sat down with him, lowering my voice for the next part. "Umm... I noticed also on the board that Andrew is missing. And Connor. I mean, this hotel is big, but not that big." Sighing, I looked at the table and my hands clasped there. "I... I think we have to assume that they're really missing. Or..." I didn't want to say dead, because that would mean giving up. And like Tara had just pep-talked me, we don't give up.

"... or maybe they left and they don't want to be here anymore," I finished instead, looking up into his eyes.

Now came the tough part.

"That... that prophecy? About the vampire with a soul or something... you said you were sure it was Connor. The child of a vampire with a soul which - hello - could only be Connor. Right?" Deep breath now.

"But what if you were wrong, Wes? What if that paper you found was wrong and it's just a vamp with a soul? What then?"

I already knew the answer to that, or at least, my plan for that, but I held my breath and waited.

((Open to Wes))

Stake Me

New beginnings... [28 Jun 2005|11:06am]

[ mood | content ]

I still couldn't believe how smoothly everything had gone, considering the circumstances. And I could hardly believe that Kate and I had gotten most of the kids to help with the move and that we had done it all in just a few hour's time. I guess somehow things always have a way to work themselves out... After all, the sun was back, or was gonna be back come morning. But even with everything going as smoothly as it was, in the back of my mind, I still wondered how the kids would adjust to this new environment- it all seemed to be going well so far, but you just never knew sometimes. And hopefully it stayed that way.

After chatting briefly with Kate, I went to check on everyone, make sure they were all settled in, and make sure they didn't need anything else. Not to my surprise, some kids did mentioned to me they didn't really didn't like it here, that they wanted to go back to what they knew, but it was only just a few and mostly the older ones, the ones that really didn't take well to change or authoritative figures. I tried to reassure them as best I could, hoping that they would understand and just sorta give this new home a chance, it was the only thing I could do for them. Give them reassurance.
It's what I had done from the beginning, and though out the creepy times when the sun was thought to be lost for ever; times we spent, fending for ourselves. We pulled together then, and now we would do the same, of that I was sure.

All they needed was time to adjust. And it was not like they had anywhere else to go; at least they knew that with me they had a roof over their heads, a hot meal, and a place where they could be safe from all the dangers of the city.

I started to unpack a few boxes that lay scattered in what would now be my room. From the look of things I had a long night ahead of me, sorting through everything, and making sure that I had everything I needed from my office back at the shelter. I smiled as I unpacked. I had to admit that it was a little bit strange seeing Buffy again after all this time.

She really hadn't changed much from what I remember, or maybe she had and I just wasn't looking hard enough. Always strong, always trying to help people... She was the type of person I wanted to be like.

I smiled to myself as I thought about all of this. Thinking not only that, but also thinking that it had been a long time since I had seen Charles Gunn, I mean, he did work here didn't he? Of course he did. Hadn't seen much of him since the sun went on a permanent hiatus. I guess we all had things to deal with then, but now... now things were different, right?

So that was that... I had made up my mind. As soon as I finished unpacking, and trying to make heads or tails of the boxes that lay scattered about, I was gonna go look for an old friend.

4 Stakes | Stake Me

[22 Jun 2005|12:17am]

I'm sick of this. Sitting in my room. Hiding away from everyone. So I admitted I liked someone. Big fucking deal. It's certainly not the worst thing I've done. And hey, I can always plead insanity. Isn't that what most people do when they're trying to cover up the fact that they told the truth? Or something like that.


Nobody makes me hide. Nobody.

Plus, I'm kinda getting sick of pacing and staring at the walls in this dingy room. Big hotel like this? You'd think someone would've taken 5 minutes to do some kind of decorating. I know we're in the middle of an apocolypse here but hello, it's no excuse.

That's it. I'm going out.

I jerked open my door, stepping out into the hallway and quickly closing it behind me. As I turned to start down the hallway, I came face to face with the last person I'd been talking to before I'd retreated into my world of solitude.


Just fucking great.

I smiled through clenched teeth, hoping she didn't make a big deal out of my earlier confession.

"Harmony. Long time no see."

Short. Simple. So far, so good.

((Open to Harmony))

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